obstacles/difficulties

i felt i had to write, because writing is how i relieve stress, the end of the semester is nearing and of course i am stressed, i am not doing well in any of classes well as well as i would like to anyway and i cannot blame it on the fact that it is hard because if i truly applied myself to it, it wouldnt be so hard and it is not that i hate it, because you only which you cannot be or do at least in this case that statement applies. so lately i have been feeling inadequate, and kinda low. like i am bordering depression, there is no one to talk to because no one understands what it is i go through, mainly because i guess i dont understand it myself. i hold pretty high expectations for myself and when i dont reach them i feel like maybe i am not worth anything, i have always thought that people would love me more if i was perfect at everything so yes i am very self conscious and i know everyone keep telling me well you cannot please everyone; well i know that, but i am pretty sure drug addicts also know that drugs are not good for them but guess what they keep doing them anyway. lately i have told myself maybe i am not trying hard enough, i tried harder but guess what??? the results are not there and in fact instead of me doing better, i am doing worse, and this morning just everything went down the tube. so i am trying to find clothes to put on so i can go to school but as i am trying everything on, nothing fits. i have been going to the gym everyday for a week now, i try to eat healthy and if i dont i work out harder, but instead of me losing weight i am gaining it. now unto the next thing, i finally decide oh well i am going to put my sweat pants on and call it a day and by the time i do that i realize i have missed the shuttle and therefore missed my class in which maybe i had a quiz. so i come back to look for my shuttle book and cannot find it, now i know this seems miniscule but the pile of things stressing me out was alsready full to the point where it was tilting to the side and that little thing made it all fall. so i am fat, stupid, a liar(this is another blog), a cheater and many other sins. i dont know i figured if i wasnt here then i wouldnt go through all of this but this is the easy way out right??? maybe, maybe not, i could also just give everything up and not care anymore but then i would be dissapoiting myself and many more people, i cannot do it. but as of now i am at the end of my rope, i need GOD to give me more strength to pull myself up, because it is not looking good at this rate.