EVALUATING LIFE

as i am sitting here this saturday morning at 6 am. thoughts are going through my head. i am evaluating my life as someone very smart once said the unevaluated life is not worth living. so everyday i make sure i ponder upon my life and i ask myself have i been the best person that i could have possibly have been? and my answer is usually no. i don't know why throughout my life i have tried so hard to please other people at the expense of my own happiness, whether it be friends or family, i am just starting to find out what i want in this life and starting to not give a damn about other people, but sometimes i still find myself falling back into my old habits. i try to be perfect so other people would like me forgetting that this is my life and i am living it for me, hell when and i do get to the pearly white gates, i am not going to be with anyone. i say this to myself everytime but when it comes down to it, it is easier said than done. sometimes i feel like there is something holding me back from being truly happy with myself, from finding that bliss that one of dear friend talks about all the time, that bliss where it doesn't matter what other people say or think about him, he is still going to be and do him. for 19 damn years i have worked my way to find that bliss and yeah i made some progress somewhat but at the cost of what? i am so tired of feeling less than myself when other people decide they want to make me feel less than what i am. i am a damn good person and i know sometimes i am my own worst critic, and i know i have made lots of mistakes but who hasn't? someone once said whether you choose to be happy or you choose to be sad, it takes the same amount of work and from this day on, i have decided to be happy, life is too short to be anything but happy, you are going to die either way, so its your choice whether u want to be happy or sad. dont let anyone else make that choice for u.